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time for another testicle festival
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  • 2

    it's that time of year again.

    my bar is throwing our big annual party, the testicle festival, next weekend. no, it's not a gayballs orgy or an artsy celebration of manjunk. we serve up animal nuts to eat, simple as that. there's also a few bands playing, a bike show and poker run, a merchandise tent, and lots of other food and alcohol out in the street. plus whatever other fun shit we can come up with on the spot.

    in the past we've had drag queen contests, festival king / queen competitions, tattoo artists, mechanical bulls, carnival games and desserts, and all sorts of other shenanigans. hard to say what pops up this year...

    anyways, i've spent the last few months with the planning and organizing. wifey usually provides a decent assist, but this year she's sidelined with the new baby so i've been pulling my hair out getting everything done while also trying to keep my day job and help take care of all the kiddos at home. been a lot of 16+ hour days for the last couple weeks (except the days spent in the hospital), and every day until next saturday will be more of the same.

    i should really look into event planning as a profession. at this point, weddings and private parties and small-to-mid scale concerts and public street parties are old hat.

    not sure where this post is going. it's starting to look like a lameass blog. anyways, if you wanna know what a nut feed is all about, or you want to take a stab at making a good pun at my expense, have a ball with it.


  • Banned
    0

    I am still getting a tshirt, right?

    If you gotta go go with a smile


  • 0

    as long as we don't sell out, yep.


  • SwimPunk Banned
    0

    It's a crime to name something that's not a gayballs orgy Testicle Festival


  • 0

    "nut feed" just doesn't have the class. "testicle festival" just rolls off the toungue...and into the back of your throat.


  • SwimNinja
    1

    Too many restaurants near me make their testicles as chewy as rubber, so I've never tried any yet.

    "The enemy of my enemy is just another man standing in my way." -Nikita


  • 0

    there's a little finesse involved, and it's all in the prep work. you have to skin them and cube them up (cutting primarily against the grain), then they generally do well by a nice soak in milk to get rid of the gamey flavor. we'll also switch the soak from milk to white soda marinade the night before, to help tenderize them. our batter is usually a combination of flour, corn meal, and seasonings, and we fry them in peanut oil.


  • 0

    I giggled at testicle festival , which is good cause over the next two months i'm be pretty damn humorless.

    Monsters come in many shapes and sizes . I'm all of them


  • SwimLegend
    1

    Sorce said:

    Too many restaurants near me make their testicles as chewy as rubber, so I've never tried any yet.

    But then how do you know they're like rubber?

    Oh bother...


  • Banned
    1

    1pooh4u said:

    Sorce said:

    Too many restaurants near me make their testicles as chewy as rubber, so I've never tried any yet.

    But then how do you know they're like rubber?

    She knows because she's a testes gobbler.


  • SwimNinja
    1

    From watching people shove their forks in them and how long it takes for them to chew and swallow. I am very nosy.

    "The enemy of my enemy is just another man standing in my way." -Nikita


  • SwimLegend
    0

    Sorce said:

    From watching people shove their forks in them and how long it takes for them to chew and swallow. I am very nosy.

    It must be the writer in you. Writers tend to be very people watchy

    Oh bother...


  • SwimNinja
    0

    wacky1980 said:

    there's a little finesse involved, and it's all in the prep work. you have to skin them and cube them up (cutting primarily against the grain), then they generally do well by a nice soak in milk to get rid of the gamey flavor. we'll also switch the soak from milk to white soda marinade the night before, to help tenderize them. our batter is usually a combination of flour, corn meal, and seasonings, and we fry them in peanut oil.

    I think all the restaurants do around here is skin them and soak them in some stuff before cooking them and serving them whole.

    "The enemy of my enemy is just another man standing in my way." -Nikita


  • SwimLegend
    0

    Fuggerella said:

    1pooh4u said:

    Sorce said:

    Too many restaurants near me make their testicles as chewy as rubber, so I've never tried any yet.

    But then how do you know they're like rubber?

    She knows because she's a testes gobbler.

    when you put it that way, it's not very appetizing

    Oh bother...


  • 0

    we will serve the turkey fries whole. hog and bull tend to be a bit too big to serve whole though, it'd be like eating a giant baked potato and that wouldn't fry up very well.

    some people also use vinegar and wine and all sorts of other stuff to mute or mask the flavor. they can be pretty nasty if you don't get the gamey flavor out of them, or if you prepare or overcook them incorrectly. but if they're done just right, you could tell someone they're eating a chicken nugget and judging by the flavor and consistency alone, they'd be none the wiser.


  • Banned
    0

    Be careful or Park will show you and all the women in your life what a real set of balls are -- and then cuck you by adding your bimboes to his harem.


  • SwimNinja
    1

    1pooh4u said:

    Sorce said:

    From watching people shove their forks in them and how long it takes for them to chew and swallow. I am very nosy.

    It must be the writer in you. Writers tend to be very people watchy

    This is probably the truest stereotype about writers that there is.

    "The enemy of my enemy is just another man standing in my way." -Nikita


  • SwimNinja
    1

    wacky1980 said:

    we will serve the turkey fries whole. hog and bull tend to be a bit too big to serve whole though, it'd be like eating a giant baked potato and that wouldn't fry up very well.

    some people also use vinegar and wine and all sorts of other stuff to mute or mask the flavor. they can be pretty nasty if you don't get the gamey flavor out of them, or if you prepare or overcook them incorrectly. but if they're done just right, you could tell someone they're eating a chicken nugget and judging by the flavor and consistency alone, they'd be none the wiser.

    Wacky, you sound like you know your balls, so I'd actually try your food.

    "The enemy of my enemy is just another man standing in my way." -Nikita


  • 0

    westparck said:

    Be careful or Park will show you and all the women in your life what a real set of balls are -- and then cuck you by adding your bimboes to his harem.

    it's bimDoes. and i'd doubt parko would know a real set of balls if they were slapping his taint.


  • 0

    i don't actually do the frying, because i don't have the time to spend 4-5 hours on the fryers on festival day. the people doing the frying this year are new to the festival because we bought the bar after the last festival and the old fry group was the old owner and his buddies. i've spent the last 5 years running the show though, so i think we're gonna be fine.


  • 0

    bump. i'm about 3 minutes from giving a phone interview to a local media outlet regarding the festival. hope i'm not going live, they didn't mention anything about it in the email. i'm all stuffy from allergies :(

    oh wells. been spending a lot of late nights getting everything ready. tonight i have to get my LP tanks filled and put a test run on the new fryers. then pull out all the supplies from storage (trash cans, barricades, tents, tables & chairs, etc etc). if there's time after all that, i might also get all the old merch out of storage and get it organized too. we'll see though; there's a bunch of beer to be consumed and i have an open mic thing that i'll need to be present for at some point.

    this is like, the stupidest week of my life every year. only 5 more days of hell before it's over...


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