Zeni's Unconventional Hostage Negotiation Tips
I've been thinking... Maybe I should be a hostage negotiator between now and getting my English master's. I have a solid year to try something new out, so why not try to be a hostage negotiator?
I've seen enough movies to know that the standard method of operation isn't totally effective because normal negotiators have this sort of glib way of talking to the perpetrators and there's no way any perpetrator is going to trust someone who is suddenly being so insincerely friendly when he's holding a room full of people at gunpoint.
I'm gonna be America's first "tell it like it is" hostage negotiator. Get me on the phone so we can negotiate and I'm going to say "Look, man, you're a damn psycho! There's no way you're getting $100,000 and a hot sports car after what you've done tonight. Do you really think we're just gonna let you walk out of here after what you've done and tomorrow you're gonna be cruising along in your new Mercedes with $100,000 in a suitcase in the passenger seat? Hell no! Now here's the deal Mr. "I've gone and lost it". I can negotiate basic s*** with you. Like maybe you can have one of the hostages come down and he or she can bring food up to your floor and then come back down to safety, but $100,000 and a new Mercedes? HAH! You're out of your mind if you think you're getting that if you weren't outta your mind already! PEACE!" (hangs up phone)
walk in there with a colt 45 dressed like Sonic and demand their surrender!
"I'm moving and not moving at all. I'm like the moon underneath the waves that ever go on rolling and rocking."
Yeah I've been drinking a little today, but my negotiations are going to take place on my cell phone as I'm walking toward the perpetrator's location and when I get in the room (while still holding the phone to my ear and continuing the conversation) I'm going to grab the gun right from the perpetrator's hand and whack him over the head with a wooden mallet.
ni***a you dunno the first 2 things about hostage negotiashuns.
I walk up in that plane and pop a cap all up in that foos @$$
Yeah dawg I'm about that action too!!