I had to go to the ER about a month ago... panic attacks/severe depression
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    I was held for several hours for mental evaluation, after cutting myself several times and expressing feelings of suicide and severe self-loathing and depression and anxiety.

    I was not considered a serious threat to myself at the moment I was brought in, but told I should call a suicide prevention hotline if these feelings arose or return to the hospital for observation and temporary committal for psychological treatment and therapy.

    You might be wondering why I am telling you this? Well I was prescribed benzos with several refills I'm only on the 2nd one atm. I have been using them only during periods of extreme anxiety and/or to stave off the worst symptoms when experiencing a panic attack. They also upped my anxyolitic medication which is a non-addictive drug that reduces anxiety over a longer period.

    I called that hotline tonight, may have saved my life. I am trying to remain positive about life, but it is so f**king hard right now to find good in my life. It's like I have this sinking feeling sometimes where I am seeing myself disappearing not committing suicide but just a strange feeling of emptiness and like I will not always be here.

    It is making me sad, the person on the hotline helped me though. And I just wanted to say that if you ever have things like this going on in your life, please do not be embarrassed of what others might think of you. You will never be happy again if you do not at least try. And so no matter how hard or hopeless it may seem for you, there will always be a light my friends. hugs all of you

    I am not doing this as a blog post, or a whiny grab for attention. I just want to help others, because this is so close to me I feel I must in some way try to help those like me understand that they are not the only ones that have this feeling of hopelessness and attempt to over come it.

    I have relaxed, have finished some meditation, listened to music I like, taken a hot bath, and took one of my Klonopin I was prescribed. I feel it will be ok at least for the moment, so do not worry too much about me ok. I am a bit ummm high/drunk feeling atm though, so I do apologize if I come off strange tonight. >_<

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