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Another update on my Coworker's extensive "work history" and life
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    I've posted twice about my coworker and the ridiculous things he tells me and my other coworkers about his previous "work history" and life.
    A little description of him: He's 24. Has a wife and kid. Showers once a week or two weeks. He doesn't wash his hands when he goes to the bathroom and tries to high five people after walking out of the bathroom. He sits on people's desks when he talks to them. Talks to everyone like he's smarter and better yet screws up his work all the time and my desk is now directly across from him.

    Unlocked a bank vault with a paper clip
    An Update on my Coworker's Extensive Work History

    Recap:
    -Claims to have unlocked a bank vault with a paper clip when the keys were locked in the vault.
    -Technically a math major but that addition, subtraction, multiplication and division is not his strong suit.
    -He's a master chef
    -He was employed by the mafia
    -During the last storm here, he claims that there were 4 tornadoes outside his house and that he stood on his deck and took photos (I have yet to ask to see those photos).

    His recent claims:
    -In addition to being a master chef at a 4 star restaurant, he was also a professional ice sculptor.
    -He was home schooled at one point.
    -He was homeless at one point.
    -Lived on a religious compound and if he didn't recite the scriptures correctly, he'd be locked in a room.
    -In addition to being a "math major" he says he's also a psychology major.
    -Also claims to have been a tutor at a college.
    -The other day, my boss had a talk with him about his very poor hygiene and he told her that he was "unaware" that he smelled claiming that he can't smell, taste or hear and that he's having an operation in a few weeks to have it corrected. I call b.s. on this for several reasons.

    It was a painful dance
    And I got a second chance


  • Swimuminati
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    all seem plausible to me....I think you're just jealous of this great man and his very eventful 24 years on this earth...

    dude I swear this time is different. I swear before god, buddah, my dead grandma, and asmb. i will never drink again.

    -Phillies 8/15/2016


  • Banned
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    he can't hear? how does he have conversations?

    POOP


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    Paper clips are bank vaults natural weakness.


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    Wait...you work with Zeni?


  • SwimParagon
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    How does he even think that math major claim is plausible? Addition and subtraction are literally in every part of math...

    "I feel like I should be banning way more of you." -- SwimMod_Luuv


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    I am jealous. I'm not skilled enough to open a bank vault with a paper clip or be a master chef/ice sculptor.

    It was a painful dance
    And I got a second chance


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    Or better yet, how is he a master chef if he can't taste or smell? I'm still waiting on answers.

    It was a painful dance
    And I got a second chance


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    I've been sitting here trying to come up with a clever reply but I can't. Your comment really made me laugh though.

    It was a painful dance
    And I got a second chance


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    I don't think so.

    It was a painful dance
    And I got a second chance


  • Swimuminati
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    The good thing is you've recognized and accepted the truth...most of us will live our lives blanketed by the shadows of great men like your co-worker...such is the way of things

    dude I swear this time is different. I swear before god, buddah, my dead grandma, and asmb. i will never drink again.

    -Phillies 8/15/2016


  • Swimuminati
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    -dark_chii- said:

    Or better yet, how is he a master chef if he can't taste or smell? I'm still waiting on answers.

    Beethoven was deaf....yes, your co-worker is on Beethoven's level of greatness...

    dude I swear this time is different. I swear before god, buddah, my dead grandma, and asmb. i will never drink again.

    -Phillies 8/15/2016


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    DUDE. There are so many things that he says that I can't seem to understand how he thinks we would believe any of it. I sit and ponder that many days out of the work days as I sit across from him as he sets his container of a dozen eggs on his desk and slaps the enter key in a fast manner.

    It was a painful dance
    And I got a second chance


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    You know, I appreciate you saying that. I tend to know when to bow down to greats like him but that's just me.

    It was a painful dance
    And I got a second chance


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    That is true. His strong onion/spicy B.O. smelling soup must be a master piece. I mean, how many people do you know brings a carton of a dozen eggs to work when there are only microwaves? Not hard boiled or anything. Regular goopy eggs. That's what you call a bad*ss chef.

    It was a painful dance
    And I got a second chance


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    Sounds like some mental illness is at play here.

    The fact that he was homeless and doesn't wash often.... that sounds to me like what happens to a lot of people that have Schizophrenia.

    Part of that, is being unable to separate real experiences from unreal experiences. He may actually believe he did all this stuff.


  • Swimuminati
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    see, what you don't know yet is he is also a world champion boxer and he needs to eat a dozen raw eggs a day for extra protein to support his early morning workouts.....his B.O. can be explained by that as well since he doesn't have time to grab a shower in between world champion boxing training and doing hit jobs for the mafia, all before showing up for his day job...yup....a great man, indeed

    alt text

    dude I swear this time is different. I swear before god, buddah, my dead grandma, and asmb. i will never drink again.

    -Phillies 8/15/2016


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    I don't think he was homeless at any point. I think he has somewhat of a narcissistic side to him that maybe he didn't make many friends growing up because he always thought he was better than them and sees making up stories about how great he is thinking people would be attracted to that instead of drive them away. He asked one coworker when he started "am I fitting in?" That's an indication to me that he's trying to impress people but in the wrong way. He also doesn't listen to anyone when it comes to his job and instead of apologizing or talking to people first about it, he goes over peoples heads and does what he wants. I do billing for wellness events (one example is I bill flu shots for clients) and I had to help manually correct over 200 invoices because he decided to alter the mathematical formulas on the invoice in excel and told the temps that we had at the time to do it too. So if we sent those invoices to our clients, all of the data would disappear. He never told anyone he was doing it.

    It was a painful dance
    And I got a second chance


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    I think you're right about that. I also think he might be an astronaut that only works at my company to kill time.

    It was a painful dance
    And I got a second chance


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    Is he able to speak normally or is it a bunch of word salad usually?


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    posers

    we are all caught in the wordbox
    Way to go, asshole, now we're careening off into space and will definitely die. -.- ~ perfy


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